How To Love: A 5-Step Process
79Though it did not surprise me to find that there many who do seek to know How to Love it did surprise me to find that over three hundred thousand use this phrase in search engines in a month’s time. I was not sure on what to make of it but was led to write a hub that would serve this need.
I have based this short guide on my personal relationship with God the Father and applying concepts I have learned from different authors and spiritual teachers like Deepak Chopra, Neale Donald Walsch and Eckhart Tolle. It is my hope that this could be of help in whatever way it can to those who do seek to understand the nature and ways of love.
1. Let TRUTH Be Your Foundation
Admitting that you want to know how to love is the first step of facing your truth and that is a good thing. Remain in this level of truth during the entire process. Allow, admit, accept all that you feel inside for this leads you to understand where you are at this point in your life.
You may want to take an inner journey and explore on answering some questions truthfully. Answer as quickly and impulsively as possible without judging or condemning yourself for feeling certain things or thinking such thoughts.
- How do you view love to be?
- What do you want from love?
- Why do you want love?
The answers could reveal more of what has been hidden in your subconscious for the longest time. Accept this as part of the truth you currently live by. When you are able to tell yourself the truth then it will be easier to speak of this truth to another.
Love has its foundation on truth.
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2. Communicate Your TRUTH To Another As You Allow Them to Express Their Truth To You
Telling your truth to another maybe hard for it puts you in a very vulnerable position. You put yourself at risk of being misunderstood, ridiculed or rejected altogether but it is a necessary process in learning how to love. It is encouraged that you express your truth in writing or in a one-on-one session.
Begin by sharing what you have discovered in your inner journey. You may request that the person allow you to share first before any reaction is made. At the end of your sharing you could request the other to share their thoughts about your self discovery or you may also ask them to answer the same three questions you asked yourself. This paves the way for a deeper level of communication.
Love is accepting the truth of another as we accept our own.
If things do not go as you expect them to go then keep in mind the next process.
3. Avoid Being Attached To Expectations
Many times you may find yourself stopping on your tracks when facing a truth that was never expected. Respond by accepting the situation as it is so. Acceptance is not being passive but rather it is being active for it is a means to which we can move forward.
Not being attached to expectations allows you to easily respond according to the needs of a situation. You may not have any control over the outcome but you are able to control your response to the outcome. You can choose to allow the person to respond according to their own truth.
Love lets go of expectations, chooses to honor differences and moves alongside them.
4. Allow Yourself To BE As You Allow Others To BE
This is the best way of setting a non-judgmental environment. When you allow yourself and others to move in this kind of setting you can be sure that trust will flow in as naturally as it can. Devoid of condemnation, presumption, expectation and need a relationship can become one liberating experience.
You may not agree or like what they choose to believe but give them the freedom and space to be what they choose to be at this moment in their life knowing full well that, just like you, they too need the space to Be in order to Become.
Love is not made up of chains but rather of wings.
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5. Believe You Are Worthy To Love and Be Loved
This may sound to be one of the simplest acts to do, but for many it may be the hardest. Without us being fully aware, our own feeling of unworthiness becomes the main block to giving and receiving love.
This unbelief may stem from a traumatic childhood experience, a betrayal of a family member, or an abusive relationship. Whatever the cause maybe it is important that you accept this as part of the truth you have lived by and then move on to making a choice. Choose to believe that the experience does not determine your worth.
Your worth is determined by your decision to believe you are worthy. You don’t even have to do anything for anyone to be worthy, for the truth is, you are already worthy to love and be loved. This is the truth that you could choose to live with now.
Proof of such worth is another truth – you are love itself seeking to become the grandest version of the greatest expression of itself. It may sound too good to be true but it is the truth that allowed me to start loving myself and others without conditions. This is the truth that taught me how to love.
Love is your Being.
You may read about my personal journey to discovering this truth in another hub called Love Is Not the Answer…It Is Our Being.
I wish you well in your own journey to discovering the essence of love and pray that light of wisdom bring the abundance of joy you seek in life.
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Daisy Ba-ad
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Hello Shirley, wow that was fast. I see you are still in the habit of staying up late.LOL. Thanks for sharing I guess we all find that area a big challenge. We've gotten so used to the idea that it is part of loving. We are all learning and nothing is ever too late. Have a good night's rest. Be blessed always:)
Thank-you, Daisy. You too. I'm saying good-night now.
Love & Light, dear lady.
Great Hub!
Understanding "How to Love" can be very difficult things
Applause, Applause, and a Standing Ovation to you Miss Daisy. Unbelievable and in my humble opinion you hit it on the mark...WOW!
Rest well Shirley and continue your ride downstream to be the best you can be:)
Hi Sgerome, thank you for appreciation. It's always good to find new hubbers around. Will check out your hubs soon:)
Hello Dottie and now it's you who is still up?! LOL. Thank you dear friend for never failing to show up and give me such loving support. My, I feel awkward for the standing ovation but I shall accept it with honor as a way of practicing what I preach.LOL. I shall love myself by accepting such generous gesture. I am truly grateful for your friendship for it is from people like the Charlie's Angels in hubpages that I learn more about loving:) Be blessed:)
Yes Dayzeebee, it is me who is still up and time for me too like Shirley to go get some sleep. Does this make me an official hubaholic? But.. But.. But...I saw that you published and couldn't leave you hanging all night now could I Ms. Daisy...that wouldn't be nice. You see I came to learn "How to Love" not flee! You be blessed too my Charlie Angel and man the fort while me and Shirley get some rest. Thanks, I knew would. LOL.
Yes dear Dottie I shall man the fort while you both get your beauty rest. Let it be my way of saying thank you for not leaving me hanging. LOL. I love your wit and charm. Sleep tight and find tomorrow sending you more love & joy in life!:)
Dayzeebee: I was taking deep breaths as I read your hub because you fully understand.... the basis of my union with my life partner is we don't have a union based on "need" or trying to change the other; its a very powerful spiritual union that changed his idea of women and mine of men- that a couple gets together to fill "needs"; a couple can get together to just be... and if the "needs" arise and they do in the natural course of life, we are there for the other spontaneously. There is no need for the shadows of ego and drama to enter a union when the expectations or lack of self worth are not really there. I was thrilled to read about 3 years ago, that Gloria Steinem, the feminist, married for the first time at age 60, and she said in the interview, that her union with her husband was not based of need, but simply as a coming together, its was nice reading the same words Phil and I share with others.
My previous relationship was very difficult, full of drama and expectations- which came from my own lack of self love, been there done that. ;)
Lovely hub, you are sharing the light!
Hi Daisy...I find it a joy to read your hub tonight. This will make many people think and reflect on where they are at this point in their lives. I recall my own journey and I celebrate that our friendship have grown and deepen because we have truth as our foundation. And with that, we are able to communicate, strive to learn all the things to love more with awareness and appreciating its beauty. Thank you for all of this and more. Keep shining and sharing your loving light. I hug you dearly. :)
Truly a wonderful Hub my dear and No. 4 hit me..."Allow yourself to be as you allow others to be"....seems I have a time with that....I have this need to care for other's...but have a harder time allowing anyone to care for me...so it seems I have a lot to fix within myself as of now.... Is a good thing to be able to see what i need to work on...another thing as how...and doing it...Thanks for the eye opener and a Merry Christmas to you my dear lady....I join the standing ovation for you...applause applause...G-Ma :o) Hugs
Violet Sun your sharing lends more credence to this hub. Thank you for your openness. It also goes to prove that you are able to draw things which you truly desire in life. I believe Phil was also seeking your kind of spirit as you were seeking his kind and behold the beauty that you discovered. I think it would make a good movie.LOL. I am really happy for the two of you. May love continue to overflow in your lives. Be blessed:)
Dayzeebee, the love expert!:)
You have written some excellent advice! You have given me lots to think about! again1!
Thanks for sharing!
Ripplemaker I would not have been able to write anything on this topic if God did not send you to teach me about His kind of love. Being able to practice the steps with you made things more clear for me. Thank you for being instrumental in my learning to love unconditionally. Your loving and pure spirit was the gateway to experiencing the joy of loving without limits. I love you dearly. May all the love in the world fill your life always:)
Dayzeebee- Such wonderful advice and I particularly like "to love and be loved". You really have so much to share and I am glad I stopped here. Great hub.
G-Ma your Being is beautiful and yes I believe I can relate to how you feel about allowing someone to care for you. I too went through that struggle because I felt I was not good enough to be loved. I never knew that the key would be to love myself first. When I did, it became more comfortable accepting love from others. May we all learn to give love to ourselves for more love to flow in our lives:) Hugs:)
Compu-Smart -- me a love expert!?LOL. I would never have thought about that term being attached to my name! Thank you for making my spirit experience an amusing joy. Hmm I seem to make you reflect a lot. Maybe just maybe our connection comes from the fact that I used to think the way you do. You have much love in you and I believe you are very open to accepting all the love that comes from us, your family here in hubpages and that my friend is a very good thing.:) Love lots:)
Countrywomen I too am glad for your visit and your comments. I sense you are one who too have much love to give. May love continue to flow freely in your life. Be blessed always:)
Dayzee, another great hub. Loving can be fun and can be difficult if we approach it selfishly and narrowly. It also develops over the years.
Thanks for more reflective words.
Hello RGraf, thank you for your sharing. Yes, I agree, it takes years to re-train our thoughts on how love should be or must be. In the end I am confident that the power of perfect love will reveal itself to all. Be blessed:)
Thanks for your wonerfull&great hub.I wish all of us find true love and settle down with him/her
Yes Dayzeebee, i have much love in me! Its in me and thats it!! lol
My kitty gets all of it! lol
:)
Noor Tony thank you for your comments. I pray love be revealed to you in the most beautiful manner. Godbless:)
Yes Compu-smart I'm glad you see your being as that of love. Never doubt it. It's one truth that gives you a liberating experience. Be blessed always:)
Hello. This is a very good Hub and makes you think about what love trully is. It is so easy to love if you have love within yourself.
Yes Laringo I totally agree. It all starts with the self. When there is enough love for the self then the "need" element slowly takes a back seat and the desire to give love without conditions begin to take charge. Thank you for sharing. Godbless:)
So lovely, dayzeebee. I especially like the thought "Love is not made up of chains but rather of wings."
I loved reading this:-)
Nice hub! Thumb up and a Digg (Kwiklinks)!
Hello Robie2, Thank you so much for your comment. Yes I love that phrase too. May love continue to fill your life with joy. Godbless:)
Funwithtrains I truly appreciate your thumbs up and the Digg. That's a double blessing and may you be blessed with abundant love for such generosity. Thank you and be blessed:)
Dayzeebee- I don't know if I have too much love to give but I do know that I get too much love from others like you. Blessings from pure and good souls like you certainly have helped me a lot in life. May their be more of your kind who give their blessings to so many of us. Merry Christmas in advance.
Hi Countrywomen, glad to have you back. Isn't love just adorable? It makes us all grateful as we recognize all the love that surround us everyday. Thank you for the sweetness you displayed. That alone shows the kind of love you are capable of giving.:) May your Christmas be one filled with tremendous blessings:)
Hello Dayzeebee,
I really enjoyed reading your thoughts about love. In the US, it does seem that we define ourselves by our experiences (and consequently this defines our worth). We would all benefit from taking a deep breath and follow your 5 steps (especially 4 and 5:)
Hello Dayzeebee, thats a real good hub, came across it when I needed a reminder on letting go and to be and let be!!
Sorry but I dont agree with your hub. With all the respect I dont think love is a process, you just love and that's it. When going step by step over the life process then you wont live. Life is ups and downs.
Hello Lori763, thank you for your sharing. Your view allows me get a better glimpse where you are coming from. I'm glad you find this hub useful. I wish you well in your journey. May love embrace you tenderly as it unfolds in your life. Godbless:)
Hi Vibhavari, I'm glad this hub gave you an important reminder. May we all find joy in the liberating experience Love offers us. Have a beautiful life with love as your guide:) Be blessed:)
Hello Relica, I respect your view and I thank you for your honesty. Being able to speak your truth is a beautiful thing. May love bring you to live life to the fullest. Do take care and Godbless:)
good work
Hi Solarcaptain, Thanks for the compliment. Happy Holidays:)
hello Dayzeebee,
I like this hub. I may need to read it time and time again to remind myself. I am such a kindergarten when it comes to love. Very close to being stupid so I choose the safe zone and stay away or let go.
But it doesn't mean I do not want love to come into my life. In fact, I might just be one thirsty horse. I do not know really. I hope that one day, I can open myself up the right way.
Hi Sheenarobins, it is an honor to find you comment on my Love hubs. It shows your desire to truly understand love's nature and ways. I scanned through your hub sharing your experience and I understand where you are coming from. It's understandable that you are careful. I pray you find a friend or partner who can be instrumental in giving you unconditional love. God be with you always:)
Hi to All,
Divergent views expressed whilst respecting the views of others could be viewed as one of the many possible manifestations of Love itself? At the very least it shows respect; is not respect born out of our love of fellow beings?
Anyway here's a primary aspect of love that I think has so far been missed on this thread. For love to exist at all, then I believe that first there is a very specific mental process that is *always* necessary. This particular process is most often sublime, it may take place deep in the sub-conscious mind, most probably without us realising it. What is this process? Simple, the decision has to be made that we *want* or desire to love that particular being . . .
If you seriously consider this and think back to the origin of your love for someone you may even be able to identify the moment when this decision was made - if so then celebrate that particular moment, hold it in your memory and rejoice! This realisation can even deepen your love! Reaffirm to yourself that you still want to love this person
Cheers,
RonW.
Hello Ron, thank you for the insightful sharing. It's great to see things from various perspectives. Beautiful. Blessings always:)
Very nice hub. I really enjoyed this!
Hello Lamme, thank you and I'm glad you enjoy this hub. Blessings:)
good hub dayzeebee and 100% agree that truth is foundation of every relationship
Hi Wendy, I'm glad you agree. Blessings:)
These are essential tools on how to love and it really works.
Hi Sunchild28, thanks for sharing your thoughts. Blessings:)
Hi Dayzeebee!
I just gave you a mention on my FaceBook page
If you you are on FaceBook (?) you can find me here:
http://www.facebook.com/Ron1Cebu
Pls eamil me your contact number here:
ron_winkley at yahoo.co.uk
Are you now in Taiwan, for the new Siddhartha musical?
Wishing you and all your loved ones a Very Happy Christmas
With Metta
RonW.
Hi Ronwin, emailed you already. Thanks:)
Shirley Anderson 3 years ago
Very good hub, Daisy! I'm sure this will answer that need that so many are searching for.
I find the 'letting go of expectations' the hardest. Even when it's what I want to do, sometimes I find it a challenge.